A Bridge Between Worlds
by StrangePointOfView
Summary: Tony Stark wakes up on the Superbridge, a dating service that crosses dimensions to find you the perfect match. Can Tony survive his perfect matches? Can the  Superbridge survive Tony? Hilarity Ensues. Warning; Luna LovegoodxDalek Sec shipping.
1. The Hangover

**Chapter One:** The Hangover

Tony Stark had a really bad hangover. "Ooooh… my head…"

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine Pepper." Tony suddenly realized something. "Wait… you're not Pepper…"

"Ummm… no… are you all right?"

Tony tried to lift his head up off the table to see who he was talking to. He soon put his head back down, once he realized that the evil angry hangover gnomes were armed with machetes and railguns. "Yeah. I'm totally fine. Who are you again?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. My name's Emily."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Tony Stark." Quietly, he prayed for her to stop talking.

"Well it's a pleasure to meet you Tony. Um…" It sounded like she was shuffling through papers in front of you. "Sorry, I'm a bit nervous. This is the first time I've ever met someone through the SuperBridge before.

Tony did not have enough coffee to deal with this. "I… is it April already? I cannot have been drunk for that long, but this sounds like an April Fool's Day prank. Would you mind telling me what the SuperBridge is?"

"You… don't know?"

Tony knew women. He knew the sound of a voice when a woman was on the brink of tears. And he may be an arrogant jerk at times, but never let it be known that Tony stark let a woman cry. So, evil angry hangover gnomes be damned, he raised his head.

He immediately looked back down.

Then he looked up again.

Then he looked down again.

He was sitting at a table, in a fine restaurant, with a maggot-ridden corpse dressed in a wedding gown. He was surprised he didn't notice the smell… but then again, he probably smelled like expensive vodka.

He took a sniff, and was repulsed to discover he smelled like oranges. Why did he smell like oranges? He didn't even want to know why he smelt like oranges.

"Um… Tony?"

He held up a hand. "Hold that thought Emily, and please don't cry."

Alright, time to ask himself the age old question; W.W.T.D. What would Tony do?

Well, number one is fight off the threat with his amazingly fantastic suit of one-of-a-kind super armor.

… He wasn't wearing his amazingly fantastic suit of one-of-a-kind super armor. Which was disturbing because he knew he had it on when he went to the pub.

No, focus, one thing at a time.

Number two, seduce the threat with his raw manliness.

He looked up again. And then back down. Seduction was not an option. In any event, it was probably the threat he was trying to avoid.

Step number three… call Rhody or Pepper. He whipped out his phone, and remembered he'd crossed Rhodey's name off of his auto-dial because of the disagreement about the War Machine Armor and the hot girl…

He swallowed his pride and called Pepper. Desperate times.

"Hello Tony?"

"Pepper? Hi. Good…"

"Morning. Good morning Tony."

"Right. What did I do last night?"

"I take it you're sober now? You'll get the report once you get home… assuming you can. You're not in a hostage situation again, are you?"

"What? No! That only happened once! Listen, I'm sitting at a table across from a…" Look up. Back down. "… older woman. In a wedding dress. I need to know everything I did last night, and in particular whatever Superbridge is."

He had to wait a moment for Pepper to ask J.A.R.V.I.S. "According to the website, Superbridge is a dating organization that connects to every dimension in… every dimension in the multiverse to find the perfect match for you."

Tony grimaced. "Alright, weird, but not necessarily cause for panic even if it is true. Is my tracker still working?"

"Yeah, according to your tracker…"

Tony waited for what he thought was a reasonable amount of time before asking. "Pepper, where does my tracker say I am?"

"In the middle of a black hole."

"A BLACK HOLE!"

The room went silent, and Tony felt every eye on him. Looking around he saw that one set of eye belonged to the grim reaper.

"I'll send Reed Richards to pick you up. And Dr. Strange."

"Pepper do not –" The line went dead. "Hang up."

Tony closed his phone and considered his options. Option 1) He was dead and this was hell. Nice to know his tracker got reception in hell. Option 2) He was in the middle of a black hole, and this was all a delusion he was experiencing as his brain was being turned into spaghetti. Option 3) the ridiculously expensive, made-it-myself, so-simple-a-monkey-could-use-it-completely-foolproof-or-your-money-back tracking device installed in his right molar was broken. Option 4) … he was dating somebody from another dimension.

So… all things considered, he would rather it be option 3, but if it was option 4, he could cope.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." Tony said, lifting his head up and smiling a rakish smile. "I… have a little bit of short term amnesia." If this girl was from another dimension, he could breeze through this without having to resort to necrophilia, or making a zombie cry.

"Oh, I understand if you were drunk." Emily smiled.

"Okay, cool." Tony smiled. "So, uh… are we really in some sort of superbridge between dimensions?"

Emily nodded eagerly. "Yeah. A friend of mine recommended it to me." She bit her lower lip. "Um… do you want to go through with this? I mean… I know some guys don't like… the whole 'I'm dead' thing."

"Yeah, being dead tends to be a turn-off for most guys." Tony agreed whole-heartedly. He was relieved that this wasn't turning out as bad as he thought it might.

"But you don't mind?" Emily asked hopefully.

Tony was flabbergasted. Who in his right mind wouldn't be a bit disturbed by the maggot that was currently crawling down from her neck and burrowing into her collarbone.

"Of course you don't." Emily laughed. "The form we filled out had us check whether we wanted living or dead matches, right? What am I saying. Let's just carry on with this."

Tony blinked. They filled out a form? And it specified whether you wanted a living or a dead couple? How comprehensive was this dating service, and how drunk was he when he took them up on their offer?

She picked up a bunch of cue cards on the table in front of her. "So… how did you win your second peace prize."

"My second peace prize?" Tony asked. "But that was the one with the…" His eyes widened. Looking down he saw that he had his own cards on the table.

**ICEBREAKERS:**

**Ask me…** About my pet maggot.

Unbelievable. So apparently they'd supplied Icebreakers for their couple on their forms too. And he'd chosen the incident with his second peace prize? How drunk did he get last night?

"You know…" Iron-man suppressed a shiver as he met eyes with the corpse again. "That's a long story, for another time."

"Okay." Emily smiled. "Why don't we talk about something else then… hey, do you want to know how I met my pet maggot?" She held out her hand and showed it off, as it balanced on her finger like a bird.

The unflappable Iron-Man found himself speechless. He'd only been speechless acouple of times in his life, and those situations had not boded well for him. He just prayed Richards would get here soon.

* * *

Dalek Sec looked at his icebreaker sheets. His mission to understand human culture in order to destroy it had led him to this trange place between worlds. He was not recognized here, and he could study human mating habits without interference.

But the questions on his sheet were strange. "WHAT IS A NARGLE!"

"A nargle is a little insect that likes to hover around people and muddie their thoughts." Luna Lovegood said, smiling dreamily at the pepper pot alien sitting across from her.

"WHY HAVE I NOT SENSED THEM?"

"Oh, you need special glasses to see them." Luna took out her copy of the Quibbler, and offered the Dalek her cut-out glasses.

Dalek Sec wheeled his eye around in a near panic. "NARGLES! THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! THEY FEAST UPON MY MIND!"

"Oh, don't worry." Luna said. "They won't feast upon your mind just now. I'm certain that they only muddle minds who are easy to muddle, otherwise people would notice, don't you think?"

"HOW DOES ONE EXTERMINATE THESE NARGLES!"

Luna considered. Then she took her necklace of Butterbeer corks off, and placed it around Dalek Sec's eye stalk. Sec would have protested, but he realized the Nargles, while not exterminated, were repelled from him.

"… THE NARGLES ARE SURROUNDING YOU NOW."

"Oh, that's alright." Luna said. "I'm friends with the Nargles. They'd sooner muddle a Crumple-Horned Snorcack then myself."

"WHAT IS A CRUMPLE-HORNED SNORCKACK? EXPLAIN!"

* * *

Mittens the cat was having the time of her life. "What would you say if I told you, that I was declawed?" She asked.

Perry the Platypus smiled at her. "I would say that, though your outer claws have been removed, you are still as sharp and beautiful as ever."

Mittens purred with joy. She was so lucky to be dating a secret agent.

"Excuse me for a moment my darling." Perry left the table and kissed her extended hand. Mittens giggled giddily. He made her feel like a princess.

She watched as Perry approached another table where a pharmacist was sitting down across from a rather stout woman holding a teddy bear with a fish head. The pharmacist immediately took notice of Perry.

"Perry the Platypus, what are you doing – OW!" Perry slapped him silly with his tail, and flipped him onto his back.

"Oh, such a cute widdle pwatypus!" The girl said, cooing over Perry as he left.

"Shouldn't you be on my side?" Dr. Doofenschmirtz said from the floor.

"Why Heinz, are you suggesting that the cute widdle animal was at fault?" She glared at the doctor.

Perry, meanwhile, returned to his table where Mittens waited. "I'm sorry about that. Secret agent business. Now that that's done, why don't we continue elsewhere? The night's still young…"

Mittens could have fainted from the suave manliness Perry was giving out. "Your dimension or mine?"

Tony watched as a cat walked out, alongside a green platypus wearing a fedora. They seemed to be talking to each other, but he couldn't understand the purring. "This is the weirdest date I have ever had."

Emily dropped her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm not very good at this, am I?"

"Oh, no." Tony said. "Honestly, you're the most charismatic corpse I've ever met."

She smiled. "Okay, so what do you do for a living?"

Tony grimaced. "I… design weapons." He decided on telling her stuff that would make him seem less attractive. He made himself seem attractive all the time, so how hard could it be to go against the grain? "Weapons of mass destruction." He elaborated. "Do they have those where you come from?"

Emily shook her head. "I don't think they do."

Great. "Rockets? Do you know about fireworks?"

"Oh, so you make fireworks!" Her smile returned. "I love fireworks! Especially on a nice moonlit night, sitting on a blanket on a hillside with… a significant other…"

She brushed her hand on Tony's, in a way that was probably meant to be seductive, except that there was nothing on those fingers but bone.

And a wedding ring!

"Oh, you're married!" Tony was grasping at straws now.

"Oh, no." Emily looked sadly at the ring. "Till death do us part after all. This ring is only a reminder of the night that I… passed on." She looked at him wide-eyed. "Would you like to hear the story?"

Thankfully, the waiter arrived at that moment. He was a kid with a strangely prominent cowlick walked up to the table. "Excuse me sir, but I'm going to have to ask you to come with me for a while?" He smiled at Emily. "Don't worry, I'll have him back to you in no time."

Tony nodded, and got up to follow the kid. Anything to get away from the corpse bride. The kid grabbed him by the arm and walked him determinedly towards the exit. "I'm Tintin, a friend of Dr. Strange."

"Oh thank heaven." Tony said.

"You really should watch how much you drink Mr. Stark." Tintin muttered. "Dr. Strange will take you back to your home. As it is, keep an eye on the angel statues."

"What?" Tony looked up, and realized that there was a statue of an angel crying into its hands in every corner of the room.

"Don't worry about the ones in here." Tintin whispered. "Worry about the ones outside…" Suddenly, a loud crash came from the back of the café, and a blonde-haired man came out, tied up and in his underwear.

"Hey! Theif!" He yelled.

"Time to go." Tintin pushed, and Tony didn't need any more encouragement. He'd just realized how Tintin was dressed like waiter.

They rushed out of the café, and Tony was speechless again. "Welcome to Superbridge station." Tintin said as they ran.

The sky was like a game of Halo; a huge segmented ring circling up and over, across the rainbow colored sky, then back down again. The bridge – the Superbridge – was lined with houses and apartment buildings. One part of it even had a skyscraper, that extended out from both the top and the bottom of the ring, making it look like the letter Q. There were stations of some sort at each segment of the Superbridge, that generated miniature black holes. They looked kind of like the hypothetical Rosenbridge generator Jane Foster was talking about.

"Tony." Tony was drawn back to the present, by an amused Dr. Strange. "I'm glad to see you've found him Tintin."

"He was at station three." Tintin said. "The dating service area."

Strange shook his head. "Only you could sign onto a magical dating service in a drunken stupor Tony."

"Obviously you're forgetting about the Haddock incedent." Tintin said, hastily taking off his waiter uniform and putting on a blue sweater and tucking his pant legs into his socks.

"So, this is real?" Tony asked. "I'm really a member of a dating service that hooks people up between dimensions?"

"Yes." Dr. Strange said. "It is a most unusual place. But we can't dwell on this now. Let's get you home."

"Tony!" Tony spun around, and saw Emily waving at him, running towards her like a zombie about to eat his oh-so-precious-mulit-billion-dollar-brains.

"You don't have to tell me twice!" He ran away with Dr. Strange to wherever the way home may be. He hoped he was never caught here again.

* * *

**A/N: **_This is the beginning of my attempts at writing a crackfic. There will be crack pairings by the plenty, with couples from every story I know and no pair couple will have a pair who're both from the same universe. I'm going to be having some fun with this._

_Most characters you should know; Dalek Kaan from Doctor Who, Luna Lovegood form Harry Potter, etc. If I've given a name, then you should be able to look up who I'm talking about. However, for the more obscure references; Mittens, Perry's date, is from the movie Bolt. Emily is from Tim Burton's Corpse Bride. And Dr. Doofenschmirtz's date is DNAmy from kim Possible._

_A better title for the fic is pending._


	2. The Gentleman

**Chapter Two:** The Gentleman

Tony Stark heard the sounds of a bowling alley. This was disturbing on so many levels. First, he hated bowling. The one time he'd gone bowling, Coulson and Steve destroyed him, metaphorically, and Thor destroyed the bowling alley, literally. And he knew for a fact that he didn't start the night in a bowling alley. Or without his Iron Man suit. Or sober.

He opened his eyes and lo and behold, shock and awe, he was in a bowling alley.

A bowling alley with some guy in a power suit, and a crocodile man and… didn't he see that pepper pot somewhere before?

Oh yeah. Superbridge.

He looked around and spotted a group of Icebreaker sheets.

So. He was back in Superbridge.

"Well ****."

Tony shook his head and looked around. There were ten lanes in all, and he was in the ninth.

To his right, a well dressed teen with weird eyebrows and a cigarette dangling from his lips was swooning over and some goth chick. Tony was surprised at how well they were dressed, given that they were teenagers. The goth chick was winning, apparently due to her date being so destracted by her beauty that he only ever had gutter balls.

To his left, a perfectly normal woman, blonde hair, a bit skinny, Tony would rate her as an 8. And she was apparently having the time of her life with a giant mutant (cajun?) crocodile.

"So there I was, playing poker with me and the boys. The Penguin's just finished playing his hand, Ivy looks like she wants to feed Black Mask to her babies, and Clayface has just finished his story. So, it's my turn to tell my story. And all of this time I've been wracking my brains; there was that time I joined Team Penguin, there was that time I had him in the sewers, there was the time I stole Pyg's serum an mutated a bunch of my boys to fight with me…"

"Which story did you end up telling?" The blonde girl asked as she lined up her shot.

The croc grinned. "The time I threw a rock at him."

The girl stopped and chocked, ending up on the floor, with her ball in the gutter. She kept laughing even as she hit the ground, and gestured with her hand. Her ball came out of the gutter, and made a perfect strike. "Wooh boy." She chuckled. "What did Clayface have to say about that?"

Tony shook his head and stood up. There was no way he was staying in this mad-house any longer. Dr. Strange showed him where to find the exit on his last visit he could…

He stopped and thought it through. Was he likely to get a date with another corpse? Well, according to Strange, the only way to get to Superbridge was to email in a time for the portal workers to get picked up. So obviously he hadn't cancelled his Superbridge account. Or maybe he just made up a new one in his new drunken stupor. So… assuming he made a new account, he would probably remember to ask for a nice living girl instead of a dead one.

But he wasn't going to take the chance.

He got up, checked himself to make sure he had everything, and was about to walk out of the alley, when one of the attendants stopped him. "Excuse me sir, but if you left your date wouldn't like it. Also, you can't leave without turning in your bowling shoes."

"And are you going to stop me?" Tony asked.

"No, I'm going to let you go home, and then I'm going to call security, who will go to your dimension, to your house, and arrest you, and anyone who gets in their way, for stealing."

Tony looked at the attendant. "Wait… aren't you the waiter guy last night? I'm sorry my friend stole your uniform but…"

"Sir, I'm a clone. Almost everybody working for Superbridge is a clone. I have no knowledge of anybody stealing my shirt because I am probably not the clone you're thinking of. I do, however, know that you're about to make off with those bowling shoes. And security is most definitely not comprised of clones. So if you would…"

Tony hesitated, then took off the shoes.

"I take it your evening didn't go as planned then?" The bowling alley attendant asked. "Date not to your liking?"

"I'm not one for bowling." Tony answered.

"Oh, I understand. Will we be seeing you two at the Spring Gala then?"

"No." Tony said. "I haven't even met my date."

"He's right!" Another clone called in from the back. "His date's back here causing a ruckus to find the right bowling shoes."

"So you're leaving before you've even met your date?" The attendant asked in shock. "Why?"

"Because my last date had no pulse and a pet maggot."

"Ah." The attendant nodded. "Yes, that does sound troublesome. I'm sorry about that. Do you have any idea why that happened?"

"Because I was extraordinarily drunk when I filled in my account." Tony finally got his bowling shoes off, and put them on the table.

He nodded again, and leaned behind the counter. "Hey, number 3287! Does his date have a pulse?"

"Oh yes." His clone buddy said.

"What's the hotness factor, on a scale of 1 to 9?"

"Seven I should think. Yeah, seven point five with a great personality."

The attendant shrugged. "So yeah, leave if you like, but…" He raised his hands and somehow managed to come up with the number seven point five on them.

Tony was just surprised they used scales of nine like he did, instead of scales of ten like everybody else. Still… a 7.5.

"I guess I could wait." Tony mumbled.

"Excellent." The attendant smiled. "Then you'd better keep your bowling shoes." He handed them back.

Tony sighed and picked up his shoes. "So… bowling? Really?"

"If you don't like it, there are tons of places you could go on Superbridge." The attendant began pulling up screens. "Let's see… you've signed up for our bronze package. The Bronze package is free with purchase, but if you signed up for our silver package or the gold package, you wouldn't have to deal with bowling. You could also visit any of the other attractions we have. There's the Olympic stadium we have on Segment 12."

"And… ah, you come from the Marvel Cluster. You could always check out Stan's place. That's where people from your cluster of the multiverse go to hang out. You see, with over eight billion people alive on most worlds, different people are alive at different times and have different children. But there are certain clusters where everybody generally couples together in the same formations, making the same children, hence, multiple Tony Starks, multiple Steve Rogers, multiple Nick Furies, all on similar worlds."

"That… actually sounds kind of awesome." Tony said, picturing a twenty Nick Furys in a barfight.

"Now, you just wait right there and I'll see what's taking your date so long."

Tony shrugged and put on his shoes. Maybe this date wouldn't be all bad. Sure, last time he had to run out in a panic, but this time could be sort of fun. Even if it wasn't, he could still check out 'Stan's place'.

He settled down into his old past-time of people watching. On the farthest lane, some kid had just knocked down the last pin in his lane. "Woo yeah!" He cheered. "Birds fly, fish swim, and brother, I bowl!"

He said this last bit as his date – looked like a nine, but you couldn't be blamed for mistaking her for a nine since she was wearing a bulky power suit – picked up a ball and rolled a strike. "But uh… you're good too." He amended.

Tony chuckled quietly. The girl was so out of the guy's league.

In another isle, an asian teen seemed to be having a fun time with her boyfriend. Neither of them were very good bowlers, which made Tony cringe when he realized he was probably – definitely – worse than them without his Iron-Man suit. Actually, even with his Iron-Man suit it had been… catastrophic.

Even more surprising was the ghost floating around bowling with a goth chick. He still hadn't recovered from when he had accidentally dated a corpse, but she didn't seem to mind when he went to bowl and his extoplasmic head tilted off of his neck, only held together by a few ectoplasmic sinews.

He shuddered and looked away. He'd had enough of dead people for now. He checked his icebreaker sheets.

**Ask Me…**

How I got my scars.

Tony blinked in surprise. And as he did, he heard footsteps behind him. "Okay, I'm ready for the date."

Tony turned around and met a man wearing a green patchwork vest and a purple longcoat and way, way, way too much make-up. Granted he had some horrible scars, but the make-up didn't do much to hide them, and Tony hadn't seen so much eyeliner in his life.

"No." Tony said.

"Oh, I like you already." The guy chuckled. "First words out of the gate, and they're already negative. What's your sign."

"My sign is NO." Tony repeated. "With a capital N and a capital O. I am not doing this."

"Oh, you're right. Bowling is so passé." The guy took him by the arm. "It took me forever just to find the right shoes."

"No." Tony squirmed, trying to get his arm away from Mr. Purple. "Maybe I wasn't clear, but I don't like guys. I like women. I like women a whole lot. I do not want to date a guy."

"But he's a seven point five!" The attendant from the front called down.

"I don't care if you're the hottest guy on the planet!" Tony yelled. "I am leaving now!"

He unhooked his arm from Mr. Purple's, but somehow, Mr. Purple had handcuffed him. "Oh come on." He winked. "How do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?"

"Same reason I know I wouldn't like to be stabbed with a rusty fork."

"I can arrange that." Mr. Purple scowled and swung his foot around to kick Tony. Tony had always had quick eyes, and he realized with alarm that there was a rusty fork duct taped to his bowling shoes, and the kick was aimed directly at the region between his legs.

Then another leg came out of nowhere to block it.

The leg was attached to the teen with the weird eyebrows that was bowling in the other lane. He took out his cigarette and blew into Mr. Purple's face. "To prepare clownfish patte, you need to roll the clownfish on a flat surface."

With a kick, he broke the chain of the handcuffs, and then he kicked Mr. Purple down the alley. It was a strike.

"Are you alright?" The teen asked.

"Yeah, I'm alright." Tony said, catching his breath. That fork had come too close for comfort. "That was some kick."

"Yes well, I came to Superbridge to escape transvestites." He growled. "I know what it's like to live that hell brother, and I would no sooner let a man starve to death then let you share that fate." He dusted his trouser leg off.

His goth date came up behind him. "So I take it that means this night is over?"

"Away from me fiend in a beauty's clothing!" The teen yelled dramatically.

The goth shrugged. "That's okay, I've found someone better." She went to the alley he'd kicked Mr. Purple down. "Hey handsome." She… no, now that Tony looked closer he realized she was a he – called.

Tony and the teen shared a shudder. "I'm right with you there." Tony said. "Listen, I don't want to make this night a total loss, but without my armor, and with my luck, I don't exactly feel safe. How about I hire you as my bodyguard for the night?"

The teen raised one weird eyebrow. "Well, leaving Superbridge would mean going back to hell. So for now, I'm at your service; the great gentleman, Sanji."

* * *

"HE WOULD MAKE A GOOD DALEK!" Dalek Sec noted, as he watched the man in purple get up, and dust himself off. Whoever he was, he had displayed great cruelty.

Dalek Sec picked up a bowling ball with his appendage. People commented on Dalek appendages before, often mistaking them for some sort of device used to remove blockages of human feces from inferior human waste removal systems. But the shape was perfect for the art of bowling. Who's laughing now inferior humans! Who's laughing now!

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Dalek Sec laughed as he bowled his twelfth turkey.

"That's the spirit Kaan." Luna cheered for him. "You're on a roll!" She weakly hefted her own bowling ball and managed to knock one of the pins over this time.

"YOU ARE INFERIOR!" Dalek Sec said. He moved behind her, and took her appendage in his own. "YOU NEED DALEK PRECISION!"

He guided her arm in an arc and she rolled the bowling ball right down the lane. The remaining five pins were knocked down. "Yay!" Luna cheered. "I did it!"

"BECAUSE I AIDED YOU!" Sec reminded her.

"Of course, how could I forget my Dally?" She wrapped her arms around Sec's armor.

Dalek Sec, for his part, decided to ignore the insulting human nickname. "CEASE YOUR ATTEMPTS AT STRANGULATION! DALEK ARMOR IS IMPENETRABLE!"

Luna pulled away and looked at him strangely. "I wasn't trying to strangle you Dally. I was just hugging you."

"WHAT IS A HUG!"

"You've never been hugged before?" Luna thought it over, then hugged him again. "A hug is a morale building exercise. Every species does it except Daleks looks like. I'm sure even Dementors must hug."

"WHAT IS A HUG'S PURPOSE!"

"A hug is comforting." Luna said, snuggling up against Dalek Sec. "It lets you know people care about you."

"I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF CARING."

"But that's what you're here to learn right?" Luna pulled back.

"YES…" Dalek Sec felt that unnatural emotion well up inside him. They were bread to know only rage, but somehow, most likely through the Doctor, the Dalek race had come to learn of fear. But why did his fear well up now, when this foolish earth girl offered him his goal, to understand humanity for the purpose of crushing them? Why was this accursed emotion welling up?

"…BUT FIRST I MUST LEARN MORE ABOUT 'FUN' SO THAT I CAN BUILD MY DALEK BRETHREN'S MORALE! MY MORALE IS EXPONENTIALLY GREATER AFTER BOWLING!" He scooted out of arms length of Luna and picked up another ball.

"My morale is exponentially greater too!" Luna clapped. "Let's bowl!"

* * *

Tony learned that the Superbridge was divided into thirty segments, and that three Clusters, the Marvel cluster, the Darkhorse cluster, and Cluster 52 were so big that they had two whole segments to themselves, while most of the others didn't.

He and Sanji walked towards that segment, through a segment that belonged to its own huge cluster of universes, the Pottermore Cluster. The segment of the bridge was made of stone and had a castle feel to it, instead of the high tech vibe he got from the other segments.

"And that's how I became a hero." Tony said. He'd just finished telling Sanji about his escape from the Ten Rings terrorist group. "Except whenever I come here, it's always because I've drank too much and I've lost the armor somewhere."

"You remind me of our ship's engineer, Franky." Sanji said. "Except you wear pants, and I can actually believe you're a genius."

Tony laughed. "He sounds like an interesting guy. So, what's your story?"

"Your world sounds a lot different from mine, so I won't bore you with the details." Sanji said. "I'm the chef of the Straw Hat pirates. The captain's kind of an idiot, but I get to sail with two beautiful crewmates, and I get to cook for the man who will become the Pirate King."

"Are you guys the pillaging type of pirates, or the fun-loving adventurer type of pirates?" Asked Tony. He had seen Pirates Of The Carribean.

"The latter." Sanji said. "Although this one time we did decide to pillage a bunch of gold from this island in the sky, but this was after we'd saved them from a wannabe god that wanted to kill them all, and Robin-swan told me afterwards that the 'cannon' we thought the villagers were chasing us with, was actually a pillar of pure gold they were trying to give us out of thanks. So, I guess it wasn't really what you might call pillaging."

Tony burst into laughter. "There are just too many questions I have to ask after that."

Sanji laughed too. "We do leave an interesting life." He said. "I can't wait to get back to it."

"Why are you here?" Tony asked. "I mean, you sound like you have your eyes on a few of your crewmates."

"Nami-swan and Robin-swan." Sanji sighed. "Unfortunately our crew was separated. We were too weak you see. So we've agreed to go our separate ways for two years, then meet back where we left off. But I'm stuck in New Kama island."

"I take it that's a bad thing?" Tony asked.

"The new Kama are all genderless." Sanji glowered.

"… Ouch."

"I've made a deal with the emperor." Sanji explained. "She has secret recipes that will invigorate the body and mind. I'll have to go to the greatest martial artists of New Kama island, deafeat them to learn the secret cooking arts which will empower my crew when I meet them again, and all the while avoid the residents of New Kama island trying to put me in a dress. And I have to do this within two years."

"There's training from hell, and there's being a masochist." Tony shook his head. "How on earth can you live like that?"

"Captain would do the same for me." Sanji said. "Although he wouldn't understand the recipes. Is this the place?"

They'd crossed the 'Pottermore' segment, and Stan's Place was just ahead. There was a green giant standing at the door. "Looks like it." They strode up to the door, and Tony clapped the giant familiarly on the shoulder. "Hey, are you some alternate version of the Hulk?"

"Tony Stark." The giant grinned. "Is this kid with the weird eyebrows with you?"

"Oi!" Sanji lifted his leg up in a ready stance. "Who're you calling weird moss-head?"

"Yeah he's with me." Tony waved them both down before they got into a fight. He didn't care to see who would win. "This is the place where people from my cluster hang, right?"

"Them and guests." The hulk nodded. "There are a couple of Tony Starks in there already. Oh, and here." He reached behind him, and pulled out a plate with a slice of rumcake on it. "The managerial staff noticed you expressed displeasure in your match, so they sent you cake as compensation, and hope you'll consider keeping your application on the Superbridge multiversal dating station."

"Right, because everybody likes cake." Tony picked up the fork and had a piece, jokingly. His eyes widened. "This… is the best. Cake. Ever."

* * *

Pepper was concerned when Tony wasn't back yet, so she checked the tracker. It was in a black hole. Again. And this was why she'd told his bartenders to water down his drinks.

She called him up. "Tony? Are you okay?"

On the other end of the line, she heard Tony laughing. "Hey, Pepper. Guess where I am right now?"

"In the black hole?"

"It's not a black hole, but close. I am in a bar."

"Sounds like it."

"A bar in the middle of the multiverse! I'm having a drink with three Tony Starks right now!"

Pepper sighed. All the trouble of finding every place Tony drank at and having them secretly water down his drinks so he could carry on thinking he was a heavyweight… all for nothing. "Tony, Nick Fury needs you for the meeting."

"The let's-go-smash-Hydra's-ugly-face-against-a-wall-until-it-can't-see-clearly meeting?"

"That's the one."

"Steve and Thor will be fine. Hey, speaking of, there are five Nick Furies here! Five! Only, they're all white for some reason. At first I thought they were just having an eye-patch convention, but then they started scowling, and I'm like; yup, that's him alright."

"Tony have you been drinking?"

"Pepper, what kind of a question is that? I'm Tony Stark."

"Tony, as the person in charge of making sure you don't make bad decisions, I feel you should stop drinking, and come back down to reality."

"Pepper, think of the possibilities! I think I could find some people here with technologies from other worlds, worlds far more advanced than ours! We could leapfrog out tech! The Superbridge alone is a marvel of science! We could be billionaires!"

"You are a billionaire Tony."

"With dirty money. We could be billionaires without needing military contracts!"

"Tony…"

"Hey! Watch where you're going you… Logan?" Pepper winced as she saw the inevitable future. "Is that you? You're all short… and ugly… hey not the claws! Not the claws! Stark legion, to me!"

"Tony! Tony Stark what is going on!" Pepper yelled.

"Ah, excuse me." A new voice came on the phone. "Is this a friend of Tony's?"

"Yes, is he alright?" Pepper asked.

"Oh, you sound so beautiful!" Said whoever was on the other end of the line. "Do you know how fragile these clawed guys are?"

"Wolverine?" She asked. "He can heal from almost anything. I've seen him walk away from a bomb."

"Ah, you're so smart!" He cheered. "That means I can cut loose! Which is good, because Wolverine Stew needs the meat to be tenderized… brutally."

She heard cries of pain from the other end. "Hey, is Tony alright?"

"He's fine! Don't worry, I'm protecting him!"

"Who are you?" She asked.

"I am Black Leg Sanji, the chef of the StrawHat crew!"

Pepper shook her head. "Okay, Black Leg Sanji, do you think you could do me a favor and bring Tony home?"

"Of course mademoiselle! It would be my honor. And don't worry, I know a teetotaler when I see one. I've made sure he hasn't gotten any drunker after the first drink. Oi, I'm talking here! Mutton Shot!"

"Well, thank you, whoever you are." Pepper said.

"Ah, such thanks is like the singing of angels in my ear!" She could swear he sounded like he was crying. "Oi, I'm trying to listen to angels sing! You're even more annoying than moss-head! Coullier!"

The phone went dead. Pepper was still worried, but slightly less so. At least if Tony kept winding up in an alternate dimension – or wherever, she hadn't really understood when Dr. Strange explained – she'd have a friend waiting when he got there.

She sighed, and dialed up Fury to let him know that Tony would be late for the meeting.

* * *

**A/N: **_Not that I have anything against gays or transvestites. It's just Tony and Sanji do, and the premise of the fic is thus; they are the multiverse's chew toys, and any date they have will result in spectacular failure._

_Tony's date, as you may have guessed, was the Joker from a Dark Knight fanfic where the Joker is in manlove with Batman. I haven't read any personaly, but knowing the internet, I'm sure they exist. Sanji's date is Harveste Addams, from the fanfic of the same name, where Harry Potter is adopted by the Addams family._

_The other couple were; an adult version of Terra from the Teen Titans cartoon, dating Killer Croc. He's a mix of the Killer Croc from The Batman (the one true Killer Croc in my opinion) and the one from Batman The Animated Series (mostly together just as a joke; 'I hit him with a rock!'). The others are Blue Scout from Team Fortress 2, with Samus Aran, and Juniper Lee from the similarly named cartoon, with Benny Rodriguez from The Sandlot, along with Death from the Endless, dating Nearly Headless Nick from Harry Potter. The other couples in the bowling alley could be anyone. You can imagine them as alternate universes of yourself if you want, or you could imagine it's your favorite two fictional characters. There will be a lot of background characters in Superbridge._

_Oh, and while Stan's Place is managed by Stan Lee, the bar is run by Old Man Logan from the comic book of that name, and his adopted son who you've seen acting as a bouncer. And Tony here is from a world much like the Marvel Movie-verse, including every Marvel movie made, except Spider-man doesn't exist on that world, and Dr. Strange does._


	3. The Pony

**Chapter Three:** The Pony

This time Tony was sober enough to get dressed up for his date.

He'd decided to give it another whirl, and sent Superbridge his pick-up message. He went outside, carrying his Silver Sentinel armor in case of an emergency, and a wormhole opened up in front of him. He checked the settings on his phone again; He'd made sure to specify he wanted somebody alive, somebody hot, and somebody female.

With his date assured to at least be a tolerable one, he stepped into the wormhole, and came out on the Superbridge.

"Hello, clone number 6160." Tony nodded at the Gatekeeper.

"Evening Mr. Stark." The clone nodded. "Your date for the evening is waiting in the Silver Palace, on Segment 11. If you'll move out of the way, we have a party of mutants coming in."

Tony stepped out of the rosenbridge generator, and strode towards Segment 11. Now that he was sober, he could really appreciate the magnificent designs that must have gone into building the Superbridge. He had to know who designed it. He could see things that would revolutionize his world, but most of it was so complex he couldn't make heads or tail of it.

Reed probably could, but he was only good with theory work. It would take him about a week to make something as rudimentary as a Tachion Pulse Emitter, even with his powers.

Tony shook his head at the waste of Reed Richards. Truth be told, his latest visit to Superbridge came from a case of Richards-envy. Tony had dated supermodels before. But Reed Richards was actually married to one of them. Sometimes Tony wished he could find the perfect woman. A supermodel who was interested in a family of rich super geniuses.

He reached Segment 11 soon enough, thanks to the recent discovery that the Superbridge had a monorail transport system. He intended to explore more of Superbridge when he had the time, but right now, he had another mystery date. Hopefully, this one wouldn't be a I-have-a-rusty-fork-taped-to-my-shoe date. He hated those.

Tony'd gone ahead and bought the Silver Package, not yet comfortable with getting the gold package (he didn't want people to think he was some rich slob) but he didn't want another fiasco like last time. No more bowling.

The Silver Palace looked exactly like it sounded, and Tony was surprised to see it was situated in the middle of a park. It was a good park, if you were into the Disney scene. He thought the does were an extravagant touch.

"Ah, Mr. Stark." It was the same blonde guy he'd come to associate the clones with, but wearing a nice suit instead. "Your date has already arrived and ordered."

"Great." Tony ran a hand through his hair. "What did she order?"

"The vegetarian pasta." The waiter said, handing Tony the menu.

Tony took a quick glance, assured by the waiter not correcting him when he said 'she'. "I'll have the same, but with a side order of donuts."

The waiter took the menu back and gave Tony a quick wink before leading him to his table. Tony did his best to put on his I-am-the-best-person-in-the-world-and-you'd-better-believe-it face. That face quickly dropped into a why-am-I-always-surrounded-by-craziness face when he saw who was waiting for him at the table.

There in the booth, sat a miniature horse. She deep lavender, with a similarly colored mane, and only about three feet tall. She was a unicorn, and it looked like she had a tattoo on her flank.

Tony considered bolting for the door, but when the pony looked up and waved shyly, he decided _You know what? I haven't been assaulted with rusty cutlery or pet maggots yet. Let's see where this trainwreck ends up._

He sighed, and sat down as the unicorn nervously watched him. He wondered whether she could even talk.

She could.

"Hi! I'm Twilight Sparkle!"

"Tony Stark." Tony greeted her, as he checked his phone. Scrolling down the options for Superbridge, he realized that he'd missed one of the options; Human? Y/N.

"I take it you took it for granted that we'd be dating within our own species too?"

Twilight winced. "No, I saw it, I just didn't want to limit my options. You weren't expecting somebody, uh… not human?"

"I should have expected it." Tony said darkly, cursing his luck again. "I'm going to come right out and say it; this won't go anywhere. I have no interest in dating a miniature unicorn."

Twilight lowered her eyes. "Oh, okay."

"Just to be clear; you aren't going to stalk me or try to kill me for turning you down, are you?"

"No, I understand." Twilight said. "Accidents happen, and you're clearly expecting a human girl."

She sounded a little sad, but Tony was upset too. Here he was, literally crossing universes just for a date, and the people arranging this had set him up with a talking unicorn. He got up to leave.

"Could I ask you just one question before you go?" Twilight asked.

Tony hesitated. This was about the time his date would pull out something unexpected. But on the other hand… well, she didn't seem like the type to stab him with a rusty fork.

"Sure."

"Well, I was reading your Icebreakers before you got here, and I was just curious… apparently, you've invented a super-cool-one-of-a-kind-superhero-armor powered by an ARC reactor, and I was wondering how you managed to compensate for the hydrogen sink and route the power through a complex system?"

You could have knocked Tony over with a butterfly.

* * *

Dalek Sec watched and analyzed as Luna preformed a levitation charm on her plate. Soon he would master this thing called magic, and all of mankind would feel the wrath of the Daleks!

She put down her plate. "How was that?" She asked.

"YOUR MAGIC STUBBORNLY REFUSES TO BE ANALYSED." Dalek Sec growled.

"Yes, well, it is magic." Luna smiled. "You mustn't beat yourself up over it Dally."

"MAGIC IS ILLOGICAL! EVERYTHING MUST HAVE A BASIS IN RATIONALITY!"

"I know a boy named Harry-James-Potter-Evans-Verres, though we just call him Harry Potter." Luna said. "He says that trying to understand magic at its deepest, as a science, would take a lifetime."

"BECAUSE HE IS NOT A DALEK!" Dalek Sec roared.

Luna tilted her head and smiled at him. Dalek Sec found the smile infuriating. "YOU FIND SOMETHING AMUSING!"

She tilted her head the other way. "Do you remember how a couple of days ago, you said you didn't understand the concept of caring?"

"AND I STILL DO NOT!" Sec said. "CARING FOR SOMETHING MAKES YOU WEAK! AS A DALEK, I AM STRONG!"

She shook her head. "You're doing it again."

"DOING WHAT!"

"You're caring you silly Dalek."

Dalek Sec felt his rage boil. Were it not for the secrecy of his mission, he would exterminate her, here and now. "HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF CARING!"

"Think about it." Luna still smiled. "According to you, Daleks only know three emotions; anger, and fear. And probably a whole bunch of emotions between those two like hatred and disgust, right?"

Dalek Sec was surprised by Luna's candidness. "THIS IS TRUE!"

"Now, I don't really know much about fear." Luna admitted. "I don't think I've ever been scared before. But I was angry once. You see, I really wanted my dad to go on a picnic with me. Only, he was a bit busy getting a story done on the Rotfang conspiracy."

"EXPLAIN!"

"Oh, vampires infiltrating dentistry."

"AH. YOU MEAN THE CARVENIAN INVASION."

"They're aliens?" Luna asked. "I thought there was something odd about them. You're going to have to tell me about that later. But the point is, I got really angry that he wouldn't spend any time with me, so I threw a tantrum and accidentally trapped myself on the ceiling."

"The point is, if I didn't care about my dad so much, I never would've gotten angry. So if you Daleks get angry so often… well, then I think you must care about something."

That got Dalek Sec thinking. The Daleks had always found the concept of caring to be the most disgusting human trait imaginable. When the Cult of Skaaro was tasked with understanding humankind to better destroy them, it was clear that they were only going to try to understand mankind's strong points, not 'caring'.

But… he found himself struggling. Daleks absolutely did not care. However, Luna's logic was undeniably sound. So Either Daleks did not care, or…

There was no or. Dalek Sec could either accept that Luna was right, or exterminate her like a Dalek should have done a long time ago…

But was he a Dalek, or a scientist?

"What are you thinking?" Luna asked.

"…I AM PONDERING WHETHER I CAN IGNORE SOMETHING DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME!" Dalek Sec snapped.

Luna let him alone to his thoughts for awhile. Then he stirred. "I HAVE DECIDED THAT DALEKS DO CARE! WE CARE ABOUT DALEK PRIDE! WE CARE ABOUT OUR MISSION! AND I CARE ABOUT SCIENCE! AND IF ONE FOLLOWS THIS LOGIC, IF ONE BELIEVES THAT CARING IS THE ESSENTIAL DRIVING FORCE OF RAGE, IF ONE BELIEVES THAT CARING IS AN ESSENTIAL PART OF LIVING, THEN THE CRUCIAL ASPECT OF HUMANITY THAT THE DALEKS HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR, IS THE ONE THAT WE HAVE IGNORED OR DISSMISSED AS WEAKNESS! WE HAVE IGNORED THE ANSWER IN FRONT OF OUR FACES! WE HAVE BEEN ILLOGICAL!"

Dalek Sec did not feel sorry at his stupidity. That was not the Dalek way. He felt rage. He could have shot something in his rage. But Luna reached over, and laid a gentle hand on his dome. "I know it's difficult to realize you're wrong about something." Luna said. "My friend Hermione doesn't even think Nargles exist because it's not in a book."

"THAT IS FLAWED THINKING. THINGS MUST BE LEARNED THROUGH EXPLORATION AND SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY, NOT THROUGH WHAT OTHERS SAY. ARE YOU SUGGESTING…" Dalek Sec's eye stalk swiveled towards Luna. "… THAT I HAVE SUCH A FLAW MYSELF! TO BE FLAWED WOULD BE INESCUSABLE FOR A DALEK! I WOULD RATHER SELF-EXTERMINATE THAN BE FLAWED!"

"Oh, no!" Luna said. "I don't think you're flawed. Or maybe you're anti-flawed? You're mission is to study humans right? That means that the Daleks as a whole must have realized that, well… they were... I wonder what word you would use... insufficient."

"HOW DARE YOU!"

"Well, why else would they need to figure out how to get better if they think they're already perfect?" Luna asked. "I think the Daleks must be smarter than most wizards. Cornelius Fudge didn't even think of putting together a team to figure out how to make better spells. Voldemort just blamed people being less magic on the muggles and started killing them. I think you Daleks have the right idea, if you can admit that you need to be better."

Dalek Sec preened at the compliment. He was smart enough to know she was simply saying to to cheer him up, but the words had some truth to it, and he grasped onto that truth firmly. "YOU ARE RIGHT OF COURSE! DALEKS ARE SUPREME, NOT ONLY BECAUSE WE HAVE THE GREATER FORM, BUT BECAUSE WE CONTINUALLY IMPROVE ON THAT FORM!"

Luna's smile lit up even more as her plate was removed from in front of her, and some Yorkshire pudding replaced it. "Did you order any desert Dally?"

Dalek Sec decided to neglect the fact that a Dalek's sole nourishment, fresh still-beating hearts and depleted uranium, were not on the menu.

* * *

Despite his initial trepidation, Tony Stark found Twilight to be good company. The unicorn was apparently her world's equivalent of a genius, and a hero. They talked about inventions, Tony bringing up some of his designs on his phone where Twilight would make helpful suggestions, and she would write out magical equations on her napkins where Tony would correct the math a little.

And then they got into a discussion about gods of mischief, mainly about how much they sucked.

"I wish Loki made it rain chocolate." Tony sighed. "I mean, you know, Thor controls the weather so maybe he couldn't, but it would be nice not having to fight an army whenever he throws a tantrum."

"I would love it if Discord was, I dunno, Pinkie Pie's younger brother. Then when we hit him with the Elements Of Harmony, it could find _some_ good in him and redeem him instead of turning him into a statue for the next wielders of harmony to trap."

"Why is it that every single pantheon has a god of mischief anyway?" Tony asked. "Hermes, Anansi, Sun Wukong…"

"I don't know who any of those are, but I don't want to find out." Twilight said.

"Amen to that. Why is it us mortals catch on, but their pantheons are all; nope, I like having this god of mischief fellow around, even if they almost destroy us." Tony lifted his glass (filled with what-was-most-definitely-not-a-refreshing-alcoholic-beverage). "To gods of mischief. May their arrogant smiles grow so wide their heads fall off."

"Discord may have already done that." Twilight said.

Tony tried again. "May they live to a ripe old age so they get senile and have to spend their days harmless in a nursing home."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure both Loki and Discord are several thousand years old already, and neither are senile…"

Tony sighed. "May they always have heroes like us standing in their way."

"I'll toast to that." Twilight raised her own glass and chinked it against Tony's. But before she could take a drink, her glass shattered as a high pitched squeal rent the air.

"A UNICORN!"

Twilight was too dazed to run, stunned by being able to hear the three exclamation marks being screamed, when an adorable little girl, no more than three years old with the cutest ponytail imaginable crawled up onto the seat next to Twilight and hugged her.

"… Uh, thank you sweetie." Twilight said, recovering enough to try and gently pry the giggling little girl off. "Yup, I'm a unicorn. Maybe you could uh… let the unicorn breath? … Getting kind of tight there sweetie… Tony, do you have a crowbar in that briefcase?"

Tony, for his part, couldn't help but laugh. "Does this kid belong to anybody?" He asked the room.

"Agnes!" A pair of girls ran up to their booth. "I'm so sorry sir, miss, she gets excited about unicorns."

"You don't say." Twilight managed to choke out.

"Agnes, let go of the nice unicorn lady."

"Wat iz all of diz?"

A large bald man dressed in black with a hooked nose and a grey striped scarf walked over to the booth. "Gurlz, vhat are you doiiiing!" The last word was stretched out in shock as he saw who was inside the booth. "Oh. It'z a unicorn."

"Daddy!" Agnes cried, releasing her chokehold on Twilight. "I found one! I found a unicorn!"

"Yez, yez you did." The man said. "Eh, zorry for de troubles, mizz…"

"Twilight Sparkle." Twilight said, rubbing her neck. "Don't worry about it, this actually happens quite a lot when I meet human fillies."

"I am Gru." The man bowed. "I don't normally bring my daughters to Superbridge, but de voman I vas dating zeemed nice, zo I vanted her to meet my kittens."

"Daddy, can the unicorn be our new mommy?" Agnes asked, her volume decreased to an adorably expectant whisper and her eyes as wide as saucers.

Tony, Twilight, and the other two kids sent their own wide-eyed looks at Gru, but they were more of the shocked and panicked variety then the cute variety.

Gru's own eyes were of the panicked variety. "I do not tink dat vould be a good idea." He said. "I mean, she already haz a date…" Tony's eyes widened in protest, but Twilight gestured for him to stay quiet.

Agnes took a deep breath and shut he mouth firmly. "Oh no kitten, diz iz like dat time vhen you vanted to grow a mustache. It cannot be done!"

Agnes kept her breath firmly in.

"Agnes." Margo joined in. "I think this is a code dad's-not-going-to-give-in-just-because-you-stop-breathing-for-a-while."

"You know…" Tony said. "The whole point of a code is…"

"Hey." Twilight said, as she got an idea. "Agnes, do you want a mustache?"

Agnes spun around, her eyes filled with the magical light they only had when she was thinking of unicorns (which was always).

"I can give you a mustache if you like, but only if you're a good little filly and listen to your dad."

Agnes rounded on her dad and released a deep breath. "?" She collapsed backwards onto her seat, winded.

Gru looked at Twilight in concern, only for her to mouth 'it's temporary'. "Alright Agnes. One muztache, und den ve go."

Agnes got up unsteadily as Twilight cast the spell. She reached up to her face, and her eyes lit up the way they always did when she thought about mustaches (which was always). He face was almost buried behind the thick curly wax 'stache.

"Yay for mustache!" Agnes cried.

"And now, ve go." He bowed to Twilight. "Tank you for giving my leetle gurl a muztache." He said, his lips curling as he said words in an order he'd never thought he would ever put them.

"It was no problem." Twilight said, clearly amused by both the girls and their dad.

The four of them walked away from the table, little mustachio'd Agnes singing; "Unicorns I love them, unicorns I do. Unicorns I love them, unicorns I do. Uni-uni-unicorns! I lo-ove them."

Edith snuck behind the group and ran back to Twilight. "Um, miss Twilight? Can I…?" She pointed to her face. Twilight smiled and her horn lit up with magic. A large yellow mustache filled Edith's face. "You're the most awesomest unicorn ever." Edith whispered gratefully, before running back to her family.

"Well that was fun." Tony said. "How long do those mustaches last?"

"About a day or so if I don't cancel the spell." Twilight said. "I just love little foals."

Tony chuckled. "You meet some interesting people here." He said. "I mean, I've met a corpse, a pirate, and now a magical unicorn pony." Tony looked around at the crowd around him. "I even saw some sort of mutant crocodile once…" His voice trailed off as he saw a familiar sight.

There, sitting at a table across for him, was an easily recognizable sight. A monster straight out of a Disney movie. He was twice as tall as a normal man, covered with fur, jagged teeth filled his mouth and twisted horns adorned his head, he wore no shirt to cover his impressive physique, only a pair of tattered pants that ended were his feet became curved and animal, and a billowing purple cape.

Across from him, there was a girl with a very familiar hairstyle; it was arrange on either side of her head like a cinnamon bun. She wore an elegant white gown, and her expression was a strange mixture of kindness and sadness.

"Tony?" Twilight looked around. "What is it?"

"That's the Beast from Disney's Beauty and the Beast." Tony said. "And that… is Princess Leah from Star Wars."

"Oh yeah." Tony was shocked that Twilight agreed like it was no big thing. "I recognize him. Rarity's favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast. I haven't seen star Wars though."

"And you're okay with that!" Tony asked. "What is a fictional character doing here!"

"Ahem." It wasn't loud but Tony heard it. Looking around, he saw The Beast glaring at him. Tony quickly raised his hands in apology, and the Beast turned back to his date, looking disgruntled.

"Oh, you mean you don't know?" Twilight asked.

"About what?" Tony asked.

"That we're all fictional characters."

Tony almost fainted. "I… feel pretty real."

"Well of course." Twilight nodded. "When I asked Mr. Freddie… he's a permanent resident of Superbridge, he's been teaching me some magic… he said that it's like monkeys writing on a typewriter."

"… say that again?" Tony asked.

"Okay, so there's this theory that if you give a monkey a typewriter, she'll start pressing buttons randomly and churn out gibberish. But, if she hits random buttons enough, eventually she'll randomly turn out the works of shakespear."

"Apparantly, it's like that for the multiverse. Every great story ever written, all those characters, they're out there somewhere in the multiverse, and either great minds think alike and somebody just thought of a world exactly like the one they're living in, or the psychic emanations of one section of a multiverse have spread to another, and somebody just caught the emanations and had to write a story about it. Does that make sense?"

Tony blinked. "I… suppose." He said. "But… but that means that all of fiction is a reality somewhere?"

"Yep."

"Even Call Of Clthulthu?"

"Weeeelll… Superbridge tries to investigate dimensions before setting up portals to them, so they're usually safe. But there are still incidents. I remember Rainbow Dash's first trip to Superbridge, she had to call me and my friends and six other versions of us to deal with some sort of eldritch abomination named Missingno."

Tony was shaking. "So this is why Dr. Strange told me not to keep coming to Superbridge." Tony muttered.

"Hey." Twilight's eyes lit up. "Fluttershy and Rarity needed some encouragement after realizing they were being watched by trillions too. Segment 3 is nothing but movie theatres. Why don't we head down there and catch a show?"

* * *

There was popcorn, and for this Tony was glad, because apparently his movie was something of a blockbuster. There were several Iron-Man movies, but the clone attending to the theatre picked out the one for his dimension and he settled down, nervously munching.

This movie was shown to people in several dimensions. Would it be propaganda, showing only the finest moments of his life? Would it show the good along with the bad? Would it be… dare he think it… an adult film? His life certainly felt like an adult film, with woman after supermodel woman after inhumanely hot woman.

Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't what he got. He thought it would be a documentary; this was his life after all, and he'd done a whole lot. But it was a blockbuster. He didn't expect the rock music that was sorely lacking in reality _(note to self; have AC/DC write actual background music for my life)_ and it was shown through a camera, not through his own eyes.

His movie opened up with one of the memories in his life that was burned into him; the closest he'd come to death, while he was still defenseless without his lovely power armor. He was chatting jovially with some soldiers and then sharing a chest-full of shrapnel with them. It was his life, he knew it was coming the moment the scene started. He just didn't expect needing a drink within the first five minutes of the movie.

Twilight's eyes were wide. "Is that… did you die?"

"What do you think?" Tony asked.

"Okay so… how did you survive?"

"You'll find out." Tony said. "Oh look, this is when I… uh… I didn't know I won a peace prize."

* * *

Tony moved quickly to cover Twilight's eyes as the scene quickly shifted from him arguing to that reporter, what's-her-face, into him being in bed with her. "Ah, this bit isn't for kids."

"I'm not some filly." Twilight said, though she let him cover her eyes.

"How old are you?"

"That's none of your business."

* * *

"So you're seriously not upset with this?"

"It's obvious that your culture has different values then mine. It's actually quite fascinating. At first I thought your stewardess dancing was just normal entertainment. I could see my friend Rarity doing that, with better dresses of course. And as for the killing, I'd never do it myself, but I'm sure you have your reasons. You probably can't just banish people to the moon or turn them to stone in your world, can you?"

"... Well, I know one dimension I'm not going to break any laws in."

* * *

"Man, when you watch things like Stane meeting with the bad guys it seems so obvious that he is one."

"Did he just steal your heart? He did! He just stole your heart!"

"I hope I make it out of there alive…"

"..."

"...Okay, so yes, I do make it out of there alive."

"…"

"The tension got to me for a moment… and the suspense… let's just keep watching. There's a fight scene coming up."

* * *

After they finished watching Iron Man, they asked for Iron Man 2 to be put in. "Wow."

"I know right."

"I mean, if you were in my world, you'd probably be a bad guy. No offense."

"None taken."

"But compared to Justin Hammer, I can see why people call you a hero. He's worse than Trixie!"

"Yeah, he's worse then pretty much anybody."

* * *

"That was an impressive energy burst. Did you use the same energy that you powered your armor with, or did you use separate caches of energy, and power those streams of energy with your suit?"

"The latter. I decided it would be more efficient to coil a solar cyclotron into streams then to shuffle in the Arc reactor composites into positron flows."

"But then you probably designed this model to work off a palladium core, right? So in the newer one, the arc reactor wouldn't have had to deal with positrons…"

"… But neutrons." Tony slapped himself on the head. "You know, Reed Richards tried to tell me the same thing, but all I heard was blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…"

* * *

"So… you and Pepper?"

"Ah, that."

"What happened? Why are you on Superbridge if you're with her?"

"Well you see, in real life there's no romantic music. There's no, 'oh it's obvious you're the star of the story and you should be with the main girl'. The fact is, Pepper… I mean…" He sighed. "It didn't work out between us. I don't want to talk about it any more. Let's watch some of my freind's movies."

* * *

"Did Captain America just disobey his boss? I mean, he just told the Captain not to go into the Nazi place, and he goes into the Nazi place anyway! That's insane! What if he got exiled? Or thrown in prison? Or thrown in prison in that place that he got exiled to?"

Tony hid his laugh behind his hand. It was cute that she was worried more about Phillips then the Nazis. "Yeah, Captain America's awesome that way."

* * *

"Oh poor Loki… I mean, if I suddenly found out I was a griffon I would be upset too, but to have all of his friends turn on him in his time of need…"

"I didn't know any of this. When I met Loki he was too busy leading an army on Manhattan to tell me his backstory."

"If only he'd told his friends how he was feeling, they could have stopped him. Hey! Maybe you should bring a copy of this movie back to your dimension and give it to everyone so they'll be more understanding. If he had friends, he'd probably stop trying to destroy planets."

Tony imagined a world where everybody saw Loki as a sympathetic character, somebody who could just change with a lot of love.

_Everybody flee in terror, as I rain destruction upon you! Wait, why are there girls wearing T-shirts with my face on them? Why are they all running towards me shrieking instead of away from me shrieking? No! Help me! Curse you Tony Stark!_

"That is a great idea."

* * *

Twilight was hiding under her chair. "The Abomination is the worst. He's like Trixie, Discord, and the Red Skull all wrapped up in one."

"Hey, if you don't like it, we can stop watching." Tony said.

Twilight perked up. "Would you like to watch my t.v. show?"

"You have a t.v. show? Why does Iron Man only have a couple of movies in a franchise, but you have a whole t.v. show?"

"I know. From what I hear, My Little Pony; Friendship Is Magic is really popular on a lot of worlds."

"Wait… My Little Pony?"

"Have you heard of it?"

Tony Stark felt a deep sinking sensation in his stomach, at the thought of watching the girliest thing alive since Barbie. "Um… maybe."

* * *

"Rainbow Dash said this next bit is 'awesome icing on the awesome cake'."

"Oh come on, you guys haven't fought Nightmare Moon directly during the whole two episodes. When he actually did find monsters, all you did was laugh at them, or make friends with them, or…"

He watched in muted awe as the Elements of Harmony were revealed, and the six little ponies began to float in mid-air, radiating power, staring at Nightmare Moon much like the Abomination stared at the Hulk – like she was going down, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

"Oh… my…"

A rainbow light filled the screen, and Tony decided to give this show a little benefit of the doubt.

* * *

_*I Am Iron Man, Badubadubadudum, badu –*_

Tony answered his phone. "Hey Pepper."

"Tony where are you? You said you'd be home by now…"

"Can't talk now Pepper, Rainbow Dash just kicked a dragon in the face!"

"Wha –"

* * *

"You have got to bring me some of that Poison Joke Twilight."

"Sure."

"Oh, I can just see it now; mini Captain America sitting on Thor's shoulder as Thor tries to hit me with a floppy polka-dot hammer. Black Widow with her tongue flopping all over the place, Bruce Banner with a deep voice, Hawkeye walking into walls…"

"I'll bring you some of the antidote too."

"… right."

* * *

"No way."

"Just watch."

"There is no way a sonic boom can make rainbow patterns in the sky."

"Just watch."

"I will watch. I've set my Iron-Man mask to analyze how she flies. Assuming that all realities are fundementally similar, then a Sonic Rainboom should be possible in our dimension. And since my armor is the fastest thing in my world, I think I would have noticed if I was leaving a rainbow trail. Unless she's faster than my armor, or the atmosphere in your world is..."

**_Sonic RainBOOM!_**

"…"

"She did it."

"Son of a…"

* * *

_*I Am Iron Man, Badubadubadudum, badu –*_

Tony answered his phone. "Hey Sanji."

"Hey Tony! I'm just trying out this awesome 'phone' thing…"

"Can't talk now Sanji, Fluttershy is in a staring contest with a cockatrice!"

"Wha –"

* * *

"Why hasn't Rarity punched Blueblood in the face yet?"

"We don't have fists."

"She should totally buck him in the face. Or mess with him like she messed with those Diamond Dogs. I'd totally play mind games on him if I were her."

* * *

Twilight was adamant that they not watch the episodes after Discord, but Tony was fine with ending it on a high note. He had to get back to his own dimension anyway.

"I've got to analyze that data from Rainbow Dash." Iron Man said. "Assuming that all dimensions are real, then it's possibly to make a sonic rainboom just by going fast enough. I've got to try that."

"Hey, Rainbow Dash is in a race next week." Twilight said. "She got into an argument over wether she was faster then this other-dimensional hedgehog."

"Was his name… sonic?"

"Yes, it was. I'll be there if you want to hang out again, you can meet my friends and see if your armor can match Rainbow Dash."

"Oh we'll see. Tell her to bring her A-game." Tony said.

"I'll have to go now." Twilight said. "I think I'll write about you to Princess Celestia."

"Really? I hope you don't write the bad stuff."

"It'll say; _Dear Princess Celestia. Today I made a new and unlikely friend. He's from a different world, so he has much different standards then us, but I learned that cultural differences are just that; differences in culture. They shouldn't impact friendship. If somebody acts strange because that's how they've grown up acting, you should accept them for who they are regardless_."

Tony couldn't help but smile. Looking back at Glinda's episode, he had to admit he was worried that she wouldn't tolerate him because he was an even bigger jerk then her. And then he'd be without any intelligent conversation. "Well, you'd best not keep the Princess waiting. She might exile you, or send you to prison, or send you to a prison she exiled you to."

She laughed, but her eyes were more than a little worried. "See you later Tony." She galloped off.

"I was just joking." He shrugged.

He began making his way to his own dimension, when something darted into his path. "Tony!"

"Sanji?" The two of them stared at each other for a second.

"I was worried about you when you talked about the cockatrice and then hung up."

Tony smiled. "Oh, sorry, false alarm. I was just watching the coolest t.v. show. Did you know about these movie theatres?"

"Yeah I knew. You look like you had a good time."

"Oh, I did. I just made a new friend, Twilight Sparkle."

"Is she cute?" Sanji asked with hearts suddenly in his eyes.

"No, she's a pony."

Sanji's face returned to normal. "… I wouldn't have expected that of you Tony."

"No! No!" Tony scoffed. "It wasn't a date!"

"Did you tell her that?"

Tony shook his head. "No, it really wasn't a date, we were just good friends!" Sanji kept staring at him. "She's a unicorn from the land of Equstria…" Sanji raised an eyebrow. "… and she's a genius so we shared our ideas and promised to meet again…" Sanji sighed, and hid his face in a hand. "Look, it wasn't a date alright?"

"Tony." He said with a muffled voice behind his hand. "As a friend, I am worried about you feelings for this pony…"

"I am not in love with a unicorn Sanji!"

"I never said you were."

Tony fumed. "good, because I'm not." And he wasn't, no matter what anybody said.

"Okay." Sanji shrugged, but still looked at him funny.

Tony sighed. "I think I really need a drink."

As the two of them left, a dark figure emerged from the shadows behind the theatre. He stroked his broad chin as he observed them leave. "Love with a unicorn? Giggity giggity giggity." He disappeared back into the shadows, to reappear at a more dramatic time.

* * *

**A/N: **_Sorry about the lateness in this update, this chapter took longer than I expected to finish. _

_Twilight Sparkle and freinds are from My Little Pony; Freindship Is Magic, but you probably knew that. I think the others were mentioned. Leah's from Star Wars, Beast is from Beauty And The Beast, Gru and his family are from Despicable Me, etc. Oh, and Missingno is from Atop The Fourth Wall. And the mysterious guy shall remain mysterious until a later chapter, or unless you recognize his catchphrase._

_And no, Tony Stark will not fall in love with Twilight. In case it's not clear by now, he will strike out with each of the dates Superbridge sets up for him. And if I'm doing my job right, he'll strike out hilariously._


	4. The Blackmarket

**Chapter Four:** The Blackmarket

Tony, believe it or not, had only ever woken up with a hangover in a strange place a grand total of nine times. He knew the sensation. This was not one of those times.

Instead, he felt the sensation of wetness. And something else. Something he hadn't felt for a long time. But the wetness was the most important. And the coldness.

Opening his eyes, he found out why they were important. He was in a bathtub, filled with water, that had little ice cubes in it. An I.V. hung at his side, and ran down the length of the tub to his stomach, and into a jagged gash therein.

"This is the second time I've woken up without the use of one of my organs."

"This is my second time too, strangely enough." Sanji said, sitting up in the bathtub beside him.

"I'll let you in on my ARC reactor powered kidney once I invent it." Tony said with a sigh. "I think god must exist, because he hates me."

"Isn't your partner a god?" Snaji asked.

"No, I mean the Christian god. Or the catholic, or maybe jewish. I dunno. I guess I'll convert to Norse religion, because Thor actually cares whether somebody steals my kidney."

"Hey, how come they didn't steal your heart?" Sanji pointed to the arc reactor embedded in Tony's chest.

"Eh, the last time somebody paralyzed me, the plucked it out easy." Tony said. Examining his ARC reactor, he saw scorch marks on the skin surrounding it. "I've put in some safety measures since then. What about you, when was the last time somebody stole your organs?"

"Oh, we'll we'd just gone through fighting a shadow-powered hellbeast, when one of the seven emperors of the sea came along and knocked out my entire crew. When I woke up, a pack of coyotes were trying to tear out my liver. Fortunately we had a good doctor and a state of the art surgical lab nearby. Now, time to go." Sanji stood up.

"Wait!" Tony almost had a heart attack as a trickle of blood squirted out from the scar on Sanji's abdomen. "I flunked med school, I know what'll happen if you move too much without your kidneys!"

Sanji hesitantly sat down. "Well how are we going to find the guy who took them and make him pay then?"

Tony looked at him with a face that mixed astounded awe with shock. "How exactly were you planning on beating somebody up without a kidney?"

Sanji shrugged. "There are several clusters, including mine, where men can grow stronger than normal through diligent exercise."

"And you're one of those men?"

"Yes I am."

"You have a body like limp spaghetti."

Sanji blushed. "I'll have you know this body is the essence of manliness! Woman line up just to touch it! And whatever punk did this to my body, is going to feel it!"

"Right. I can't remember much about her, except that she seemed so calm."

"… Wait, a girl did this to us?"

"Yeah. At least she used high quality drugs. I'm still tingly. Weren't you on a date with a girl before this happened?"

A shadow seemed to pass over Sanji's face. "So love has passed me over once again. Oh how cruel a world this is."

"Are you gonna be okay man?"

"I will live on, despite my heartbreak. How do you think we should get out of here Tony?"

Tony looked around. "Ah, the age old question, W.W.T.D. What Would Tony Do? First, we need to take stock of the situation. In our immediate reach, there is nothing. I have my ARC reactor, an I.V., a bathtub full of ice water, and my underwear. Do you have your underwear Sanji?"

"Yes."

"Thank goodness for small miracles. Now, the room itself is a meat locker. I see several meat hooks, but only a few bits of meat hanging. And… oh, there are two more bathtubs of icewater, with two more kidney-less people inside them."

"Why didn't you notice that before?" Sanji asked. "Oi! Are you two awake?"

"Oh, I'm awake." Came a cultured british voice from one of the tubs. The man emerged from the tub, with his beard soaking wet. He only had one hand; the other ended in a mechanical stump. "Sorry about listening in, but it was very fascinating. You're both so calm despite having some organs removed."

"Well like I said, this isn't my first time." Tony shrugged.

"Who are you?" Sanji asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my name is Ben Kenobi."

"No way!" Tony's eyes lit up like a girl's on valentines day. "Not Obi-wan Kenobi!"

"The same." He stroked his wet beard. "And who are you two?"

"I'm Tony Stark, and this is Sanji. Dude, this is so cool."

"Is the fourth person awake yet?" Sanji asked, wondering why Tony was acting so strangely about this new guy. Sanji'd never seen Star Wars, so he didn't know what a classic movie series it was.

Kenobi looked over the side of his tub. "No she's not."

"There's a girl in the fourth tub!" Sanji asked. "We must save her!"

"Yes, I quite agree." Kenobi said. "But how, praytell, do we do that?"

"I think I may have an idea." Tony said.

* * *

Tony managed to rig up one of the tubs for easy travel. Sanji was stronger than he looked, and he managed to kick the legs off of one of the tubs, where Tony could replace them with the three-wheels bases of each of the I.V. stands. It was no easy task, especially with the drugs that were easing their pain wearing off, and having to do most of their work from inside freezing tubs of water. But they managed to rig it up, and carefully slip into the same tub together.

Sanji carefully pulled the fourth person into the tub with them. She was a cat-girl, with cheetah style fur. "Ah, so beautiful!" Sanji gasped. "I'll set her down close to me where she'll be comfortable!"

"Eyes on the prize Sanji." Tony said. "You can fall in love after we get out of here.

"Love waits for no man!"

"Everybody together now… push."

Using their I.V. stands as make-shift paddles, the rowed their bathtub along through the meat locker and to the door. It was locked. Naturally.

"Step aside, I'll kick it open." Sanji said, almost getting up.

"No!" Tony said. "Obi-wan can use the force, right?"

"I'd prefer it if you'd call me Ben." Kenobi said. "I haven't gone by Obi-wan in a while." He reached out a hand, wincing at the effort, and the door lock began to move. "I hope you've thought about what we're going to do once we're outside. With four of us in a tub and outside of the locker, the ice will melt and we'll run the risk of getting infected."

"All I know is, it feels like my fingers are about to fall off." Tony said. "Better to get out of here sooner than later."

The massive iron door creaked open, and the three of them rowed their bathtub into a dark kitchen. "No phone." Tony said, looking around. "And no clue where we are."

"Alright then, let's try behind door number one." Kenobi gestured to the push door, and it opened for them. Tony wanted to ask about why he had a stump for a hand, but it seemed rude.

They steered their way into what seemed to be a deserted restaurant. Tony looked out the window to a familiar rainbow-crystal sky. "Well, looks like we're on the Superbridge."

"This must be Segment 29." Kenobi said. "It's cut off from guests because it's still under construction."

"Great." Sanji muttered. "How can we save this poor girl if nobody can find us?"

Tony was slightly offended. "We're in a trap too."

"She's more important."

"Quiet." Kenobi said. "I sense something up ahead." He lifted the bathtub up with the force, and moved them forward.

"You could do that this whole time!" Sanji fumed silently.

"It's difficult." Kenobi whispered. "Now hush."

They bathtub floated silently down the restaurant. The three of them kept their ears strained for the sounds of their kidnappers. They soon heard them. They followed their sense to the side of the restaurant, where a pair of double doors were slightly open. They floated their bathtub under it, and peered through the window on the top half of the doors.

It was a room full of crates, and it looked like a meeting was going on.

On one end of the room, a small white-haired man was sitting in an easy chair. Behind him were several strange people; a man wearing a gas mask, a girl wearing a skintight red leather catsuit, an alien that looked like it came from the black lagoon except it was wearing biker shorts, and they were surrounded by eery moving dolls.

On the other side of the room, a guy was sitting on one of the crates, looking every bit like a biker, with tattoos, a fur-and-leather jacket, and long silver hair. Behind him, there was a woman with identical silver hair, wearing stylized pink robes, as well as a tall man in a suit of high-tech armor carrying a big gun, and a man with a very scraggly beard that looked like he stepped out of a pirate movie.

"Anybody recognize anyone?" Tony whispered.

"The one with the silver hair." Kenobi whispered. "He's an infamous criminal in my world. His name is Tyber Zann."

The man named Zann made a gesture as they watched, and the man in the iron suit walked forward, placing a glass case on the ground. Inside, they could see their internal organs. "Four kidneys, as you requested." The iron-suit man said in a cold monotonous voice.

"Thank you Dr. Freeze." The man in the lawn chair nodded.

"I have to wonder…" Tyber Zann said. "Why couldn't you get kidneys in your own world Professor?"

"Well we could have, obviously." The Professor shrugged. "But you know, it's just so much more fun this way. I take it they were all stolen from heroes?"

"As per our agreement." Zann said. "But that's not why we called you here personally. We have a job for the Fraternity, if you're interested."

"I'm listening."

"A Persian king has come across some troubles. Apparantly, his personal world-wide blitzkrieg has been halted by a paltry force of 300 soldiers. He wants to end this embarrassment, and wonders if his loyal magicians can call up some demons for him?"

"What's the time period on this world?"

"Standard earth-frame, about a millennia B.C."

"Hmmm… sounds like fun." The Professor looked at his comrades. "What do you say?"

"Be nice to fight someone who can actually fight back for a change, eh Wes?" The girl elbowed the gas mask guy, who nodded but didn't say anything.

"Let's go play war!" The creepy little dolls cheered in unison, sending shivers down Tony's spine.

"We'll take the job." The Professor said. "It's only 300. We'll take care of them easily."

"Hmmm… what? Where am I?"

Tony wasn't expecting this new voice. Truth be told, he'd rather forgotten that they were bringing an unconscious lady along with them in the tub. But all of it came back to him now, as everybody in the room looked their way too quick for them to duck back down.

And then, of course, things took a turn for the worst as Sanji spoke up. "Hello beautiful! Don't worry, I'll protect you!"

On a scale of one to nine, waking up in a freezing bathtub in an abandoned restaurant, with four men in their underwear, one of whom says will protect you while you have a tube of plastic running into your stomach, would probably be a nine on anybody's creep-o-meter.

There was no warning; just an explosion of fur and claws.

The bathtub tipped over, and the four of them spilled into the room, most of them sporting claw marks from the irate new fourth member of their band of unfortunates. Zann and Wes already had their guns out, and Tony'd seen enough action to know that if they pulled the triggers they wouldn't miss.

The cheetah girl kept slashing and cutting with wreckless abandon. Until she heard the sound of Wes cocking his gun. Then she suddenly stopped and realized what was going on.

"Are these the heroes you took the livers from?" The Professor asked.

"Yes." Zann said evenly.

"I thought The Cheetah was a villain?"

"Not this one."

"Very well. Wes, kill them."

The first shot was aimed at Cheetah, and Sanji leaped in front of him. His speed was inhuman, maybe there was something to his claims about some worlds having stronger people than others. The next shot was aimed at Sanji, and he wasn't fast enough. The bullet grazed his head and he collapsed on the ground.

Kenobi reached out with the force to stop him, and the alien in biker shorts reached back, holding him up by the neck a la Darth Vader.

Tony scrambled to his feet. This was far, far worse than the time in the desert. This would probably be his Alamoe. Absolutely powerless, and with a gun pointed to his head.

Before his pants could turn a horrible shade of brown though, his shiny silver briefcase was thrown in front of his face. His nose broke when the bullet pushed it back into his head, but his one-of-a-kind-prodigy-brain decided this was better than being dead.

Zann's right eye lit up, and he fired his gun. The laser bolt ricocheted around the room and would have made a hole straight through Dr. Strange's head if it weren't for the force-field he'd put up.

"BY VISHANTI'S SWORD!" Dr. Strange yelled, and he propelled the collected villains forward. Mr. Freeze created a wall of ice between them and Dr. Strange, much to Wes' annoyance as he swerved around it to start pumping bullets into them.

The Cheetah had torn out her I.V. tube in all of the fuss, so Obi-wan gave her his and started dragging her and Sanji away. Tony opened up his Silver Sentinel suitcase. It was a long process, but thankfully, Wes was a bit busy shooting at Dr. Strange.

"Yo doc!" He yelled, when he finally joined the fight. "Can I help!"

"Tony!" Dr. Strange was angrier than usual. "I thought I told you not to come back to Superbridge!"

"Hey, I get drunk." He got ready to fire his repulser gauntlets. "Alright, let's take this to the next level!"

Tyber Zann shot three times, each aimed at the same joint of Tony's armor right in the abdomen. Tony felt the space where his Kidney used to be swell up in pain.

"… Ouch."

The pain that came next made him double over in agony. He briefly felt the sensation that he was being moved, before he blacked out.

* * *

When Tony woke up, he was with the others, and another guy in a trenchcoat and a strange mask that kept moving. Tony opened up his helmet. "What's going on?"

"Tony, this is Rorschach." Obi-wan gestured to the masked man. "Apparently, Tyber Zann's been running an inter-dimensional black market ring through the Superbridge."

"_Hrmmm_." Rorschach said.

Tony took a moment to think through the situation. "Am I dead?"

"We couldn't tell under that armor." Kenobi said. "But you sound pretty alive."

Tony's suit analyzed him. He flinched as the result came up, but if it came to it, he was pretty sure he could rig up another ARC reactor powered organ before he died. "How's the fight going?"

"_We've brought in some allies_." Rorschach said, in almost a growl. "_We'll win._"

"Okay." Tony nodded. "And how's Sanji?"

"_Doctor's on the way._"

"Well, that's just great." Tony got up, as an explosion rocked the room. "Do you think the doctor will survive getting here?"

"_It's a Superbridge doctor._" Rorschach said. No other explanation seemed forthcoming.

"Right. So, I'm going to go see whether they need any help."

"You're injured." Kenobi helpfully pointed out.

"Doesn't matter." Tony said. "I have a suit of armor and a missing kidney, and I am in the mood to kick some –"

He was interrupted as the door exploded inward. Pink energy ribbons shot out and trapped them all. The silver haired girl ran into the room, and erected a pink barrier where the door used to be.

"Nobody try anything funny, or I'll kill you!"

Tony groaned. He wasn't used to needing rescuing.

"I have hostages now Strange!" The girl yelled madly. She threw some rocks onto the ground, and they transformed into some sort of evil rock monsters.

"Charmcaster!"Strange yelled from inside. "You cannot run any more! Give up now!"

Out of the corner of his eye, Tony saw Rorschach slip out of his jacket and escape his pinks binds.

"Do you think I'm running!" She screeched. "Do you have any idea who we're working for! Our boss makes Mr. Rictus look like a kid playing in a sandbox! You're dead, you hear me Strange?"

"_Do tell_."

Rorschach moved quickly, and Tony was afraid he'd break her neck, but a quick karate chop to the back of the head was enough to bring her down.

The rock monsters were another problem. Rorschach moved between them quickly, making them hit each other when their attacks failed. Their attacks hurt each other more then they hurt Rorschach, who attacked one of them with a passion. Tony would never have guessed that any normal human could fight them, but Rorschach attacked with the reckless abandon of a madman. By the time Dr. Strange lowered the pink barriers and intervenes with the rest of the monsters, Rorschach's monster was shattered into several pieces, and his gloves were torn and his knuckles bloody.

Dr. Strange strode into the room, freeing everybody from their chains and demolishing the remaining rock monsters. "Are you all alright?" He asked.

"Yeah." Tony gasped. It started to get difficult to stay awake.

"_Did Zann get away?_" Rorschach asked.

"Yes." Strange said. "Him and Barbossa. The Fraternity as well. But luckily, we have Charmcaster. I appreciate your restraint Rorschach, now we have a lead that can talk."

"_Hrmmm_."

"Could somebody explain what just happened?" Kenobi asked.

"Tyber Zann is a criminal using the Superbridge to his own advantage." Dr. Strange explained. "He runs an arms dealership; taking weapons and mercenaries from their worlds, and selling them to the highest bidder on others. He sells weapons and tricks people into fighting on both sides of their world's major conflicts. You recall the daggers Bullseye used when he invaded S.H.E.I.L.D. Tony?"

Tony nodded darkly. How could he forget?

"The poison they used was from a land called Mordor. Stolen for him by Tyber Zann."

Tony gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. "Is this why you wanted me not to come here?"

"One of the reasons." Dr. Strange said. "There's more to Superbridge than meets the eye Tony. There's…" He stopped as he felt Rorschach's hand touch his shoulder. And instant later, a ninja wearing a white lab coat dropped from the ceiling.

"Never fear!" He called. "Dr. McNinja is heeere!" He moved swiftly, a stethoscope pressed against The Cheetah's chest faster then the eye could blink. "Hmmm… it seems like you're missing some kidneys."

"What clued you in Sherlock?" She snarled.

"They are here." The case full of kidneys floated in, riding on Dr. Strange's magic.

"Alright, this'll be a little cold." Dr. McNinja warned them. "So, while I'm operating, get some apology cake, since it's pretty obvious you're not satisfied with the dates Superbridge got you this time around."

"Yeah, because a cake makes me feel so much better about kidney theft." Tony growled.

But he still ate the cake. It was good cake.

* * *

Dalek Sec was perched upon a precipice in the Pottermore segment. He observed the comings and goings of the wizards, and muggles. They disgusted him. He felt rage just looking at him. They were poisoning the very air with their existence.

But strangely… Luna did not disgust him. She did not enrage him – well, not usually – and she did not make him fearful either – well, not usually.

Luna Lovegood… was so utterly alien to Sec. There were two categories for aliens – there were the aliens that disgusted the Daleks, made them want to burn everything simply out of spite, and of those there were many. Others, like The Oncoming Storm, made the Daleks feel fear, and of those there were few. Luna was neither of these things. Sec did not fear her, for she was not a Dalek. Nor did he feel anger towards her, for she was useful. She was like a magnificent lense to see the world through, much like the optical Nargle detector he continued to wear. She helped him clear things out and he… he cared for her. Much like he cared for his armor.

Dalek Sec liked that notion. It sounded right. She wasn't so alien then; just another part of him. A lense to see the world through. She was no alien, and he had no more obligation to hate or fear her then he had to hate or fear himself.

"DALEK SEC!"

Sec turned around. "DALEK CAAN! HAVE YOU COME TO REPORT!"

"YES." The other Dalek said. "I HAVE EXTERMINATED THE DATE THAT WAS SET UP FOR ME!"

Dalek Sec reminded himself that Daleks were incapable of sighing. "THE MISSION WAS TO LEARN FROM THE HUMANS! ARE YOU SO INCAPABLE OF CUNNING THAT YOU CANNOT DATE A FEMALE WITHOUT EXTERMINATING HER!"

"SHE WAS NOT A HUMAN, SHE WAS AN ELF!"

"IRRELEVANT! FULL REPORT NOW!"

"I WAS COMPROMISED! SHE CLAIMED SHE COULD SENSE DARKNESS IN MY HEART! AND WHILE I DO NOT HAVE A HEART, SHE WAS BEGINNING TO GET IRKSOME! THERE WAS NOTHING TO BE LEARNED FROM HER ANYWAY! I BELIEVE THIS MISSION IS A WASTE OF TIME!"

"THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO BE LEARNED DALEK CAAN!" Dalek Sec traced the path of a Luna Lovegood on the street, before coming to the conclusion it was not _his_ Luna. "WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO OBEY SIMPLE ORDERS!"

"I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS!" Dalek Caan said. "I PRESUMED WHEN YOU STATED OUR MISSION WAS TO STUDY HUMANS, IT WOULD BE UNDER A MICROSCOPE!"

"I HAVE LEARNED MORE FROM MY HUMAN DATE, THEN I HAVE FROM ANY HUMAN UNDER A MICROSCOPE!" Dalek Sec said. "AND YOU ARE EMBARESSING THE DALEKS! NOW GO FIND A NICE HUMAN GIRL AND SETTLE DOWN WITH HER, OR SO HELP ME I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU!"

"I OBEY!" Dalek Caan beat a hasty retreat.

Dalek Sec observed his leave, and returned to watching the crowd.

"Dally!"

He turned. "GREETINGS LUNA LOVEGOOD! ARE YOU PREPARED FOR KARAOKE NIGHT!"

"Am I!"

Dalek Caan observed silently from the shadows as the two of them walked off. And he wondered, exactly what was it that his overseer was learning from the human girl?

* * *

**A/N: **_My apologies to those who have read the previous chapters. Pease note that Dalek Sec is the name of the Dalek I originally meant to fall in love with Luna Lovegood, But I mixed him up with Dalek Caan. Only four Daleks have names, how I forgot them is anybody's guest. And don't worry, you'll get to see what it's like when a Dalek tried to karaoke, I'm just saving that scene for later. I've also changed the title of the story and it's categories, but those should be the only big changes. I think it's settled now._

_So, Tyber Zann is the villain of the video game Star Wars Empire At War. His companions in blackmarketry are Charmcaster from Ben 10 and Captain Barbossa from Pirates Of The Caribbean. In this chapter, he's doing business with The Fraternity from the comic book Wanted. I hope you don't need me to tell you who Rorschach, Dr. McNinja, The Cheetah, or Obi-wan Kenobi are. But this alternate version of Obi-wan is a little different then your normal Obi-wan._

_I must say, this has been fun to write. Especially the bits with Dalek Sec in them, which turn out romantic even though this is supposed to be a crackfic and Sec doesn't even feel love. I hope you all review and tell me what you think._


	5. The Motivation

**Chapter Five:** The Motivation

Dr. McNinja did a bang-up job putting all of their kidneys back in. He'd even gone and undone the damage Tony'd done to his through some sort of miracle of medicine.

So naturally, The first thing he did upon regaining this function was to go to Stan's Place for a drink.

"You look tense." A Bruce Banner said to Tony. "I know some meditation techniques that –"

"Oh, go smash something." Tony scowled. He took another swig of his drink. He'd always prided himself on his alcohol tolerance, but there were times when he'd drunk enough to put the Hulk to sleep. And he didn't care if he woke up in bed with a zombie, he didn't want to remember today.

Somebody else came up to Tony then. "Drowning your sorrows in hard liquor?" The man asked.

Tony looked him up and down. He didn't look like anybody he knew from his own world. "Yep." He joked. "I just got my kidney cleaned up today, and I have to catch up on years of abuse."

"Yeah, been there. Of course, I've probably been everywhere. Count yourself lucky you've never had to duel a lizard over a ladies honor."

Tony scoffed. "You think you have it hard? Try going on a date with a zombie."

"Oh yeah? How about you go ahead and deal with a lovesick Loch Ness Monster. Then tell me how sad your life is."

"Sure thing, but only after you trick a god of mischief into giving you the key to his whole invade-planet-earth scheme."

"Oh please, dealing with tricksters is my entire job. Have you ever had to hijack a plane to save the life of the son of the man who killed your brother?"

"I'm an only child, but I guess you've never got over the fact that your dad left your mom because he was crushing on somebody you thought was your best friend?"

"Is that what this is all about?" The guy scoffed. He grabbed Tony's drink out of his hand. "It's getting to easy to drive people to drink these days." He said, throwing the drink over his shoulder.

"Hey!" Tony grabbed the guy by the coffee stain tie. "I don't know who you think you are buddy, but nobody gets rid of my drink!"

"That's probably because you're a sourface who doesn't have any friends!" The guy stood up. "You want a fight? Where, and with what?"

"In a cave with a box of scraps!" Tony'd rewinded that bit of his movie a couple of times. He had to admit, the face Stane made as he yelled that – priceless.

"You're on buddy, I'm going to go all Wile E. Coyote on you!"

"Or…" The grizzled old wolverine tending the bar gingerly took their drinks away. "You could just go to the Superbridge fight club.

They exchanged looks. "That'll work." Tony said. He held out a hand. "Name's Tony Stark. Let's go get our fight on."

"Eddie Valiant." The other guy shook the hand. "But you're gonna wish you'd never heard my name."

The Fight Club stuck out like a sore thumb in the Superbridge's Olympics segment. Its neon logo was exactly the same as the title of the Fight Club movie. Sure enough, when they walked in, a Brad Pitt look-alike was there chewing bubble gum inside.

"Go on in." He said. "Arena 7 will be free in just a moment."

"You're going down beer gut."

"In your dreams tin can."

The Fight Club was a dingy old building on the outside, but on the inside it was pretty state of the art. It had a classic four sided boxing arena, with stands on one side.

And Tony's jaw dropped when he saw who was in the ring.

Dilios, Astinos, and Ephialtes from the movie 300 were there. The young guy, the old one-eyed guy, and the hunchback. Astinos even had his arm wrapped around some green-clad superhero girl.

And sitting at the stands… no, it couldn't be.

Compared to the rest of them, the man in the middle wearing a short-sleeves white shirt and a tie that didn't fit looked small. But the Spartans still stood at attention when he tapped his clipboard with his pen.

"Alright so, you're all on board with the plan to help out King Leonidas?" He asked.

"Do we have to take our shirts off too?" River Tam asked. Some of the X-men behind her stared. Others chuckled.

"Yeeeeeessss!" Ephialtes grinned from ear to lopsided ear. The girl who had Astinos' arm wrapped around her waist slapped him on the helmet.

"I think we can all agree, that we're ready to lend our aid to your king." Gandalf the White said.

"Oh come on Mithrandir, you can do better then that." The guy with the clipboard said with a smirk.

The eon old practitioner of magicks ancient and deep sighed. He managed to muster the words that he knew were neccesary. The man in front of him seemed to have the humor of a hobbit, combined with the personality of a dwarf. "They shall not pass."

"To right they won't." The Black Knight said behind him.

"On behalf of King Leonidas, I thank you for your help Wizard Dwight."

The 'wizard' Dwight smiled widely. "Well, we're happy to help." He said. "Hey, there's a McDonalds on the way to your portal. You know, in case you don't want to dine in hell."

"Artemis has already introduced me to what McDonalds calls food." Astinos said. "I believe I would prefer hell."

The collected heroes, Spartans, and wizard, made their way out of the arena. Dwight saw Tony and Eddie and walked up to them. "Sorry, did you want to sign in for this too?"

"What's going on?" Eddie asked.

Dwight pursed his lips. "Just a routine hero exchange program deal."

"Hero exchange program?" Tony asked.

"Sure." Dwight twirled the pen around in his fingers. "Sometimes on Superbridge, you get supervillains who think that can just use Superbridge as a bus stop to new targets. Just recently was had an incursion… a smuggler named Zann who's been giving us trouble. He's been passing magical items and other powerful stuff through dimensions. Like, war profiteering."

"The Hero exchange program is countering that. We give heroes a chance to kick *** and take names that they normally wouldn't."

"You do that?" Tony asked.

"Sure." Dwight said. "It'd be bad for business if we let Death Stars through to threaten our customer's worlds." He flipped some of the sheets over his clipboard. "So did you want to sign in Tony?"

It felt strange that somebody would call him by his first name like that. He had to get used to the fact that he was famous on a few worlds.

"No, I'm good."

Dwight shrugged, and left with the others.

Eddie failed to hold back his laughter.

"What are you laughing at?" Tony asked.

"This." Eddie gestured to the arena. "A couple of drunks fighting over who has the worst life. Meanwhile, there are people fighting for their lives."

"I'm not that drunk." Tony muttered.

Eddie shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Hey, you're not really upset about your dad liking your buddy are you?"

"Nah, I got over that. My Cap doesn't even know, and it's kind of hard to stay mad at him."

"So what's got you drinking then?"

Tony sighed. "Do you know what it's like to have someone die in your arms?"

Eddie scratched his chin. "I can't say that I have." He said. "But I've known lots of people who have."

Tony sighed and sat down. "This one time, I was kidnapped. There was a man, Ynsen. He looked up to me, he'd even attended one of my lectures. He saved my life. After that we tried to escape. He got it into his head that he had to buy me some time, and he ran off while I made the final preperations."

Eddie sat down as he continued. "When I found him, he was already dying. And… now I'm a hero. I used to make weapons. The same weapons that the kidnappers used to kill him. And my friends think that my being a hero is some sort of – atonement."

He shook his head. "I made weapons for years, just like my dad before me. He was a patriot, and I'm a patriot, and I don't have a bit of regret about arming Americans to defend our country. It's not about the weapons – it never was. I just don't want somebody to die, knowing that if I was a bit faster, or a bit better prepared, they wouldn't have."

"But they did, didn't they?" Eddie said. It wasn't a question.

"Back home… yes, someone did die on my watch. I was too slow, and Bullseye had a special poison. I only just found out today that the poison came from another dimension. Tyber Zann was right in front of me… I was powered up and ready to take him down. And he took me out in two seconds flat. I almost died… and if Zann wanted to kill somebody else, there was nothing I could have done to stop him."

Tony seemed to finish, so Eddie adjusted his fedora, and whistled. "Well, that's quite a tale. Sorry for calling you a Sourface. You wanna go catch some cartoons?"

Tony grimaced as he looked at Eddie. "That was the worst pep talk I've ever heard."

"Yeah, well, nobody's ever died in my arms but I've lived on the darker side of life too." Eddie said. "I'm not so good with pep talks. I think though, if I just got you to laugh, you'd be fine."

"I haven't laughed in a while." Tony said. "And I don't think cartoons will do the trick."

"Well, you need something to make you remember."

"Remember what?"

"Well, you're upset because this Zann guy beat you up. You'll get your chance with him later. I'll help you. But after a good hour of watching Wile E. Coyote trying and failing to get one lousy roadrunner sandwich, I think you'll feel better about how much you've done in life."

"Like wha –"

"Are you Tony Stark?"

Tony turned around. Behind him, there was a man who looked Japanese and English both. He was wearing a plain white kimono, sandals, and his hair was in a bun.

"… Maybe."

"That's him." The Cheetah sauntered up behind the guy and wrapped her arms around him.

"My name is Samurai Jack." He said, gently placing a hand over where Cheetah's rested on his chest. "My fiancée tells me that you saved her life, and didn't have a chance to repay you."

"… To put it lightly." Tony joked.

"Given how I woke up, you got off lightly." Cheetah smirked.

Tony had to admit, she had a point.

"Regardless… if ever you need a friendly sword, you have but to call, and you will have mine." Samurai Jack bowed deeply.

"Here's our number." The Cheetah leaned over her bowing fiancée to hand it to Tony. "The Superbridge sells inter-dimensional phones. Sorry about the whole…" She pantomimed clawing Tony's face up. Tony gave her a wink that was much more confident than he felt.

Then they left, and Eddie chuckled. "See? So what if you got a bit beat up? At least you actually did what you set out to do and saved peoples lives."

"I'm glad you think I'm more competent than a cartoon coyote." Tony said. But he couldn't help but laugh, just a bit.

"See, you're already cheered up!" Eddie stood. "Now, come on. Life is meant to fill with laughter. Let's go have some fun."

* * *

"You know Dalek Sec, this has been really fun." Luna sighed happily. She and Luna were sitting in Superbridge's park segment.

Dalek Sec was preoccupied, analyzing the bonding he was performing of genetic strands taken from a flea, with the genetic strand taken from a human – a king on his world, Aragon. The similarity in the genetics of the two struck Dalek Sec as a lesson in irony, a concept he was just now beginning to grasp. But even as his mind ran the calculations necessary, something that would keep any human supercomputer circa 2020 busy for inordinate periods of time, he found the mental energy to answer her all the same. "I STILL DO NOT KNOW FUN, BUT MY MORALE HAS INCREASED A HUNDRED FOLD."

Luna nodded. "Yes, I suppose it would have. It will be a shame when we go our separate ways."

All of Dalek Sec's computations came to an abrupt halt, like a car hitting a brick wall. All of his mental prowess went towards Luna now, and his eye stalk swung around angrily. "WHAAAT!"

Luna frowned. "What?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT! WHY WOULD WE GO OUR SEPARATE WAYS! EXPLAIN!"

Luna sighed. "Dally… oh, how do I put this…" She patted his dome. "You're not very good at hiding your homicidal tendencies."

"I EXCELL AT HIDING MY HOMICIDAL TENDENCIES!"

She looked shocked. "Dally! Did you have homicidal tendencies you weren't telling me about?"

It took a moment for Sec to realize that he had been tricked into revealing his nature. "WHAAAT!"

"Dally, what do you think of me?"

Dalek Sec almost roared in outrage. "I THINK THAT YOU ARE THE MOST MALICIOUS HUMAN I HAVE EVER KNOWN! I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE A NEW LENSE THROUGH WHICH TO OBSERVE THE WORLD, BUT NO LENSE WOULD SUDDENLY ANNOUNCE IT WAS LEAVING ITS MASTER!"

"Exactly." Luna said simply. "Actually, that's better than I was hoping for. But you know, you don't see me as my own person. Just another piece of your armor. I'm sure that's quite romantic when it comes to Dalek Romance… and even some human romances… but…"

"DALEKS HAVE NO CONCEPT OF ROMANCE!" Dalek Sec said.

"That is obvious." Luna said. She sighed. "Dally, I'm not a pet. It's been fun, but in the end neither of us will be happy. Because you could never be happy." She got up and left.

"LUNA! YOU CANNOT DESERT ME!"

"Don't try and shoot me Dally." She said. "There are a whole bunch of witnesses, and I don't think I'd like it if the Superbridge Security killed you."

"LUNA! YOU INFERIOR HUMAN FEMALE! HOW DARE YOU DISGRACE ME IN THIS WAY! LUNA! LUUUUNNNAAAAA!" Dalek Sec roared to the heavens, if such a place did exist.

How could this happen? How could Luna leave him?

He realized, he had grown attached to her. Dependant. He had adjusted to thinking of her as just another part of him. He wondered what it would feel like if his optical array decided that he was not worthy and left.

Upon consideration, he realized it somehow felt worse since he never should have entrusted Luna with this honor in the first place.

He forced himself to calm down. Anger was an extraordinarily useful emotion. Anger allowed the Daleks to take on the Time Lords and emerge relatively victorious. But only when focused.

So; he was angry at Luna.

Why? Because she had left him.

Therefore, he must find some way to revenge himself upon her.

Being of the Cult of Skaro, he knew the route that would shatter her, the route that would utterly demolish Luna's sense of self, was the emotional route. Oh yes, she would feel his wrath. She would scream in despair just as he'd screamed in rage. She would feel the everflowing fire of a Dalek's power!

And then some blasted fool walked up to him and offered him cake as apology.

Exactly two rels later, there was nothing left of him but a pile of ashes with a cherry on top.

Having killed something, Dalek Sec found his rage much more focused. First, he would understand why she left him, and then he would make her suffer the same agony, before inventing a few of his own.

So why had she left Dalek Sec?

Option one 1: She needed something from him, perhaps the status of having dated a Dalek, and had left him because he had out-grown his usefulness.

Option 2: She was overcome with the weak human emotion of 'love' and Dalek Sec had taught her enough about being a Dalek that she knew if she remained with him she would become weak. He passed by a mirror, and stared at his reflection. He knew he was desirable for a Dalek, but for a human? He preened for a while, adding 'my handsomeness' to the list of things he was learning he 'cared' about.

Option 3: She was a clueless human who did not know what she wanted.

Option 4: She was seeing another potential mate behind Dalek Secs back. Possibly of incompatible gender (Dalek Sec had been more than a little shocked at the revelation that some humans were apparently foolish enough to mate with the same gender, but perhaps Lune 'swung that way'?).

Option 5: Dalek Sec was an incompatible mate for Luna, so she…

What? Where had that come from?

Dalek Sec stopped all thoughts and went back to number five. A Dalek? The source of a problem? How dare he even think such sacrilege?

And yet… he had learned from Luna not to discard possibilities because they seemed impossible.

The first and third possibilities did not seem likely based on previous evidence of Luna. He preferred the second option; he would still have to wreak his vengeance upon her, to teach her a true lesson in strength, but option 2 made him less angry. Not like option 4, option 4 made him very angry indeed.

Why was that?

Dalek Sec stopped.

Why would he be angry about that?

He couldn't find the answer.

His brilliant Dalek mind spun in search of an answer. There was only one, and it hurt. Much like Option 5 hurt.

He… cared about Luna. More than he thought he did.

He cared… but he was still flawed. He still could not fully understand her human mind. He could not understand her any more than… a pet, or a piece of armor.

He was a scientist. And so, he found the truth. He was flawed. He could not understand what an inferior species could grasp at such a young age. Probably the key to why The Doctor had defeated him, time and again.

But he was also a Dalek. And Daleks found solutions.

Searching through his databanks, he did find a solution. It was risky, but no more risky than hijacking a Time Lord prison barge and shooting it through a void ship. As a Dalek, he had taken risks before, and he would now do so again. Because as much as he wanted to kill her, make her suffer, make her writhe like the useless stain upon the universe she was…

He cared about Luna.

* * *

**A/N: **_Okay, most of the cameos in this chapter should be easy enough for you to figure out on your own, but; Artemis is from Young Justice, The Black Knight is from Monty Python And The Holy Grail, and Dwight is from The Office. Artemis and Astinos are a couple, having visited the Superbridge before. And these Spartans are not from the movie, but from HISHE's fanvideo parody of the Spartans, which is why Ephilialtes is involved. And I've never actually seen Stargate, so I don't know much about River Tam other then she can beat up everybody and she has her heads permanently in the clouds. Sorry if her line seemed out of character, it just seemed like something a cloud-head would say. _

_Sorry it took so long to write this chapter. I couldn't think of a way to approach the Tony Stark/Eddie Valiant dynamic. At first, I had Eddie as a Superbridge part-time relief counseller. Ugh. I much prefer it with them two compairing their tales of tragedy, then laughing them off. _

_And man... writing the inevitable break-up between Luna and Dalek Sec was much much tougher than I thought. It was sweet while it lasted, but Luna's smart enough to realize that dating a sociopathic alien nazi won't work out for her in the long run. _


End file.
